A healthy, normal person loves his family. And he acts as if he loves his family, too. But a person who is handicapped by a Mind-Based Habit of Low Self-Exertion (MBH-LSE) will also have to provide for the “needs” of his handicap. The energy to address that need has to come from somewhere. So, it may end up coming from his implementation of his love for his family.
Here’s an example: You love your mother. So you want to “be there” when your mother needs your help. If Mom lives a distance away, then that will mean that you will want to have a reliable means of transportation so you can get there when she calls for help.
I need a reliable car
For most Americans, a reliable means of transportation means “having a good car and sufficient gas.” But those things cost money.
In the world of work and business, an individual’s overall exertion generally determines their compensation. Overall exertion has to do with the three pathways in which a person can self-exert in order to gather resources. These three pathways are: 1) Working, 2) Looking for work and 3) Studying to improve job-skills.
So, in order to get reliable transportation, we need to exert ourselves (the three pathways) enough to gather the resources (money) to be able to trade for the reliable transportation (car and gas).
I don’t like work
There is a problem. People who suffer from MBH-LSE do not like work. They view it as a necessary evil. So they want to work as little as needed to be able to “get by.”
Now, at this point, we have a collision of motives. In other words, I want to be 100% certain that I have reliable transportation so I can be there when Mom needs me. That is because I truly love her. But, on the other hand, I want to be fairly (100%?) certain that I do not put any more of my life into work than I really have to. That’s because I don’t like work.
People solve this dilemma by attempting to balance their desire for reliable transportation (to help Mom when she needs it) against their desire to avoid work. This means estimating how much they need to self-exert (and in which of the three pathways) in order to be reasonably certain that they will have the reliable transportation when needed.
It is important to recognize that there is a balancing act going on. It may seem crass to think that we are balancing our dis-like of work against our love for Mom – but that is sort of what it comes down to. And it does not mean that you don’t love your mother. It just means that there is more to your life than just full-on, 100% focus on “love for your mother.”
And that is kind of natural, too, in a way. Even a person who has only healthy motives will still have divided loyalties. For example, you love your mother and your father, right? So what do you do if they both need your help, but they are divorced, and they live 1,000 miles apart from one another? This is an example in which you have competing responsibilities and motives.
In the case of Mom and Dad both needing your help, both of your motives are healthy and honorable. In the case of Mom needing your help versus your dis-like of work, then one motive is healthy and honorable, but the other seems to be less honorable. In any case, you are still looking at competing motives.
In life, we make estimates
Lets get back to the case of the competing motives of: 1) Loving Mom and wanting to be there for her and 2) Dis-liking work and therefore wanting to work as little as possible to get by.
You can never be certain how much money you are going to need to be able to keep your car on the road. But you can get a rough idea – an estimate. And, of course, it makes sense to add onto your estimate a little bit more in order to account for all of the unforeseen extra costs that may come up when you own a car.
Now, for a person who has a dis-like of work, they are, understandably, going to want to work only up to the point that their transportation is ready to go, and their “little bit extra” is set aside. That is because of the competing motive. And then they won’t work any more. (Of course this over-simplifies things by only considering these two competing motives – but you get the idea.)
Over-estimates and under-estimates
We are all human, so we sometimes make mistakes. For a person who is suffering from MBH-LSE, a “mistake” might mean that he has incorrectly set the balance point between his love for Mom, and his dis-like of work.
If he happens to set the balance point closer to his love for Mom, then all is well, and he will just look back on his life and say: “Well, I guess I didn’t have to work so much, because I always had more than enough money to be able to visit Mom.”
But for a person who sets that balance point closer to his dis-like of work, then one day, he will say: “My mother needs help and she is asking me to visit her. I really love my mother and I want to travel to be with her. But I can’t go because I don’t have enough money to afford the transportation. I really wish that I had pushed myself harder and worked more when I had the chance.” And that will be sad.
There is hope
Get Help Get Active is a completely free service to help people who believe that they themselves are suffering from MBH-LSE. Is that where you are at? No one wants to find themselves unable to help their mother or other loved ones. But people who have a mind-based habit of low self-exertion sometimes find themselves in that spot.
What does “reasonable self-exertion” mean to you? What do the three exertion pathways (Working, Looking for work, and Studying) mean to you? Are you meeting your own reasonable goals? Change is possible. Sometimes it just comes down to allowing oneself to be exposed to a new perspective. Free, confidential and personalized encouragement is available for anyone who asks. Get help and get active!